I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found puke in my bra..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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