I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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