I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
