The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
