Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
