what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
