when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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