with your own penis?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize