"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
