I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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