it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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