ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
