Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
