Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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