Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
