my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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