i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
