What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
