Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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