Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I could fuck to npr.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
