she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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