PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
