Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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