STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
