I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
