If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
