What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
