Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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