You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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