Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Small penises have feelings too.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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