Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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