Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
