my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
