Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
