I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
