I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
pray to the hookup gods
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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