You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Houston, we have a squirter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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