I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
