Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
