Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
