I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
