matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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