I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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