so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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