so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
