It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
