She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
