I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
