i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
