So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
