Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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