i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
