based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
