brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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