I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
