she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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