Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
