And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So squirting runs in the family.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
