I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
