just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
