Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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