your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Boobs speak an international language.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
