He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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