I can't breathe out the right side of my face
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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