weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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