I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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