i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she pinky promised me she was 18
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
