You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
