this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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