"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
