I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
