I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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