I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
