This dress was meant to end up on your floor
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh god it's open bar.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
