Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's rum buckets o'clock
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
