So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize