i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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