you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
