My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
how drunk are you?
Several
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
