ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
