and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
